After having Charlie I always knew that I wanted another little baby, a girl. I know it sounds awful to say that I knew what gender I wanted my future child to be, but we had Charlie and he’s the biggest lads lad you’ve ever met and he’s only 2. He’s into football, racing cars, mud, wriggly worms, and all kinds of things I’m not. Even though he’s a Mummy’s boy and I love him so much, I still wanted a daughter. A girl to go shopping with, and do all things girly!
It was 12 days before my period was due and I felt sick, real sick. Only two days after doing the good old ‘deed’ I turned to Adam and said I’m pregnant, I can just tell. I ordered a test and sat on the loo waiting for two long minutes, it was a double line! I shouted Adam to tell him and he laughed at me thinking I was joking. Well that wasn’t the only shock he was going to get. I did a test every day for 12 days until my period due date and the line got stronger and stronger each day.
I started feeling more sick each day, not just for an hour or so, it was all day, all night, whenever I was awake, at work, cooking Charlie’s tea, going out, I was sick. For weeks I hid in the toilets at work spewing my guts up in the hope no one clocked on until my 12 week scan. I started to lose weight and feel dreadful so I rang the doctors in hope for some help. But nothing. “Yasmin, you’re pregnant, it will go away at 12 weeks…”. 12 fecking weeks? I couldn’t go on like it anymore, it got to a point Charlie was mocking my every trip to the loo, pretending to be sick and making noises. In distress I rang my local EPAU, who were brilliant by the way (little shout out to Rotherham Hospital, they have been amazing with me, I cannot thank them enough).
Could I go through with this pregnancy… I was so ill, I had a full time job, Charlie, Adam, a home to run, Stella our dog, Kelly and Tracey the guinea pigs and Alfie the tortoise, all to look after. I was starting to doubt whether I can go through with this extreme nausea and vomiting anymore and if I was doing the right thing. I need to be strong and healthy for the family I have… That’s all I could tell myself.
That was it, I had an appointment booked for Friday 13th October and I was going in for a scan in a couple of days and discuss options. Adam took the day off uni and off we trotted to the small little room where I was assessed by a lovely lady. “Sickness? Stomach pains? Headache? Low iron?” Tick, tick, tick, tick. I was sent down for a scan, but not in the normal rooms for baby ultrasound scans. I wasn’t able to look at the screen and the lady couldn’t really tell me much until I was seen by the consultant. All I could think of was bad things. Has something happened, I don’t think I am ready for this, why have I come here? I don’t want this, I’m not this kind of person. I just feel so low. I started panicking and my anxiety was at peak, sickness obviously causing usual problems.
We sat back down in this little room, my hands sweaty, I just couldn’t think straight. What is going to happen. I do want this little baby which is growing inside me, I just wanted to feel ok, ish…
“Right so we have scanned you and the foetus is ok, in fact, do twins run in the family?”
“No” Twins… Why is this even relevant, can they just give me more info on this baby? I needed reassurance.
“Right, this is a twin pregnancy”
Anyone who knows me knows that nothing fazes me, I usually just get on with it. I was shocked, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move. Questions flooded my head. What will I do about a pram? Beds, will they share? There’s two, will one be a girl, please I want a girl! Shit, feeding, I can’t breastfeed two babies, Jesus – my poor nipples if I did! Help… Do I need help, what about Charlie, he’s just moved into his new room, I don’t want to move him. Oh shit, I’m gonna be massive, I’m going to be a whale.
I looked up at the consultant, I looked at Adam, he was reading the report and couldn’t believe it. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.
“So Yasmin, Adam, what’s it to be?”
“Oh my God, I’m going to have 3 babies, and all under 3″…
“You will be due on the 28th May. I’ll get you some sickness tablets then, love” and off she walked, just like that.
My life changed, so much, in all of a matter of 30 minutes.
The consultant looked at me and told me she knew I would never have gone further, she claimed that she could tell! I felt so guilty, I felt awful that the thought even entered my head, I just couldn’t cope with the sickness and everything else that comes with two babies growing in my tum.
Oh shit, what am I going to do? I can do this… How hard can this really be? Famous last bloody words, how wrong could I be. Twin parents will relate!